Staring Contest
by Old Man Panda
Summary: Can Bengal Tiger face his fears alone?


Legal stuff: Kitty Pryde, Jubilee, and all things X belong to Marvel. Ronnie is Kender's. Bengal Tiger belongs to Broadsword comics and is used with permission. This story takes place during the time when the X-men were off fighting gigantic Juggernauts and trying to save the Skrull homeworld. It would help if you have read my earlier story "Tears in Heaven." It is referred to in a few spots and would help in the understanding of this story. No MST or pop-ups. Archive with request. Comments are worshiped flames will be sent to Lockheed once we figure out where Marvel misplaced him to, any ideas on that one people? Big thanks to my beta readers for their help! This is the seventh in my Bengal Tiger chronicles. The order to read these are Slumber Party, Tears in Heave, Torn, Holidays, Come on Down, Keep Away From Extreme Cold, Staring Contest, and Faith, Heart, and Skill. That's all for this part, hope you enjoy the story. 

Staring Contest By Panda-kun 

The bottle stares back. 

John Smith remembers Logan once saying, "If you stare too long at the Abyss it begins to stare back." 

John wonders if the same was true with bottles of Jagermister. 

It has been over a week since most of the X-men disappeared. Rogue had gone to Genosha in an attempt to reason with Magneto. He hopes that the windmills she is charging into wouldn't hurt her too much. John had found a different venue to wait for his friends return, Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. 

He loves working with the Gen X kids, especially Jubilee. He sees what the old man saw in her. It had been a long week for the both of them. They both love members of the X-men as if they were their own flesh and blood. 

He hopes Jubilee is doing better tonight than he is. 

The bottle stares back. 

He hasn't had a drink in one year, seven months, twenty-three days, four hours, fifteen minutes and an odd number of seconds. Not since the day that she brought those closest to him together to confront him. * Her, Kitty Pryde, his best friend and now girlfriend, the better part of his soul. 

Ronnie had assured him that they, she, would be okay. The X-men, Kitty, had returned from stranger things. 

At the time John had agreed. After all, Kitty had survived almost totally dephasing, being separated from the team, and Pete Wisdom. Okay, that last one was a shot, he admits to himself. He and Pete had parted on a good note. ** 

The bottle stares back. 

He takes a deep breath. He can still smell her on his clothes, the perfume that is her scent. He knows her scent as well as his own. With that scent comes a thousand memories, all remembered with crystal clear clarity. 

Their first meeting, knowing at that second that they were to be the best of friends. Watching her almost commit suicide rather than having her friends place themselves in Dr. Doom's debt to save her life. Holding her while watching the X-men apparently dying in Dallas, and again when she and Pete break up. Their first kiss that wonderful evening in December. *** 

All these and more in a fraction of a second race through John's mind. He reminds himself that it's just not Kitty that is missing. The man he loves like a brother, Kurt, is missing; also Piotr, Logan, and Ororo, all people who he cares for, people he loves like a family. But try as he might, she keeps creeping back into his thoughts. 

The bottle stares back. 

It all comes back to her. They had planned to go away this weekend. John owned an apartment in New York for when his companies business brought him to the city. They were going to spend the weekend there. No fighting, no saving the world. Just two young people in love spending a nice vacation together. 

He picks up a small box that is sitting next to the bottle. He opens it slowly. In it is a heart shaped locket. He opens the locket to reveal two pictures. His and Kitty's from when they first joined the team. 

He was going to tell her that it was so a little piece of his heart would be with her always. He wishes he had already given it to her. 

The bottle stares back. 

He stands up trying to ignore the bottle's piercing gaze. His eyes fall on the sword that hangs on the wall clothed in its ancient scabbard. Excalibur. Just thinking the name raises the hair on his neck. It had been over three years since the Lady of the Lake had given him the sword. He was still waiting for the destiny she had mentioned for him. Kitty had told him not to worry about it. 

Kitty. 

He takes the sword from its sheath. It feels familiar in his hands. He takes a few slow swings with the sword. Kitty always teased him about playing with it in his room. She said that he would put someone's eye out with the thing. 

He replaces the sword to its age-old resting-place as his gaze moves from one Excalibur to another. This Excalibur is not as old. In a picture he and old friends smile back at him from the past, Brian, Megan, Rachel, Kurt, and Kitty. 

The bottle stares back. 

Without realizing it, he holds a shot glass. The scent of its true owner, Sean, still fresh on it. He stares at it. It is strange, that such a little thing could have had such a big effect on his life. 

"I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough" 

Those were the words Megan never heard. The words he shouted to the heavens that night he tried to take his own life. That night he stared into the Abyss.* 

The bottle stares back. 

That night he had felt totally alone. As far as he was concerned the only thing that made him feel good anymore was the alcohol. Kitty and his friends made him see that it was the thing keeping him from feeling good. 

Still, the temptation is there. He can lift cars over his head with ease. He wonders if he is strong enough to put down a small glass. 

He looks down at the locket. He looks at her. Her eyes meet his. He finds the strength. 

"I still feel alone Kitty. So alone." 

The bottle stares back. 

He turns as he hears a knock at his door. He knows who it is even before opening the door. 

"Heya big guy. Just wondering watcha up to," Jubilee says. 

A smile creeps on John's face. Kitty had sent him an angel. Okay, this angel was a small smart mouthed girl wearing Jar-Jar slippers, but she was an angel nonetheless. 

"Just thinking Jubes, just thinking," he says with a smile. 

"That'll always getcha in trouble. Me and the guys were about to start a Star Wars marathon, want in," Jubilee asks. 

"Sounds like a blast Jubes. Thanks," John smiles. 

Without warning, John hugs the smaller girl. 

"He's going to be okay," John says. 

"So will she, big guy, now let's go before Ang hogs all the corn," Jubilee says dragging John with her. 

John looks away. 

*for these events see "Tears in Heaven" located on my homepage http://members.aol.com/pandakun42/fanfics.html 

** see "Torn" located on the same page 

*** see "Holidays" located on the same page 


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